well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
