i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
