He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
smell my finger.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
