What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize