It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
