I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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