Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
