Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
