@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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