she looked like the before picture.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
