he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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