3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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