Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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