I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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