READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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