Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
