can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
