I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
