I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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