you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
