the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My penis needs a shock collar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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