I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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