I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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