i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drunk is not a location!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
