That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize