Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
