you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
where does the pee come out of this thing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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