i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
