Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
