I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
