If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
