go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
