I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
