it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
