Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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