If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
