Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
