so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
