you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize