I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
