i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I touched a dick in church today
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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