he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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