I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
