Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm passing your future prison.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize