I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
