They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
