you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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