i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
