i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
