The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
