the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
