i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
