i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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