I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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