this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize