She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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