Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
