Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
