Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
