oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
