Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
