the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
