I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
