Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize