GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
